The Comparison Trap
Mommy Comparison Game
This post has been in the works for a while, but two recent posts by girlfriends inspired me to complete it. To fully put words to so much I see, feel, and hear.
Thank you Rachel at The Lewis Note for your post “The Comparison Trap,” and Nicole at S’more What? for your post “Comparisons.” I hope you will check out their thoughts too! You both got me thinking and I appreciate your transparency so very much.
all women deal with the tendency to compare. I think it’s just in us. Maybe some men do too, but for some reason it hits us women, us mom’s, extra hard. I remember my Women and Wine group discussing this on a weekly basis. I remember feeling it, but now I see it is even more rampant then anything I knew at the time. I think it’s my new jump into the world of motherhood that brought it more to the forefront. I think it’s bad with women in general, but worse with Mom’s. I can’t tell you why this is, maybe because we care so much about our children and therefore our ability to parent. We I compare. We I get jealous. We I doubt. We I covet.
Health and Fitness
What we own
What we want
What we wear
As I write the list I feel so silly, convicted, and even find myself comparing myself to my girlfriends in order to create the list – how ironic.
We know we all have strengths and weaknesses, but somehow when it comes to motherhood we expect ourselves to do it all well. Why is that? Can we start to give ourselves room to be good at some things and
not so good bad at others? Even writing the list I find myself longing to be good at it all. Have it all. Be it all.
Is there a way to yearn to be better, strive for more, but not compare. I’m not sure.
I think our generation looks around and wants what older generations have. We are young, our parents struggled too. We just didn’t see it. We can’t get where they are without a journey. There are steps to take. But
we are I am impatient.
Does Pinterest Pressure effect you? Is it Facebook that really gets to you? Play date conversations that get you down? Being in someone’s home that is more organized, clean, or decorated beautifully? For me it’s not just one thing. I can’t just stop using Facebook, blogging, visiting Pinterest and it goes away. In fact that doesn’t even really help me. It’s an internal battle. One I need to wage.
I’m not always overwhelmed by it, and lately I’ve felt more comfortable in my own skin. Comparing less. But then when I least expect it, it rears it’s ugly head.
Comparison steals your joy!
There are times it doesn’t affect me as much. But other times when funds are tighter and I can’t dress the way I want…
My steps toward being better at this are to explore a couple of things:
1. Read and hopefully take Hearts at Home’s Knock it off! commitment.
2. Read two books by Jill Savage – I’m planning to start with “Living with Less so your Family has More” and then “No More Perfect Moms: Learn to Love Your Real Life.”
You can tell that this is a draft, a work in progress, a reflection of my life. Stay tuned for more candidness…
Thanks for sharing! And for sharing my post.
It's always so enlightening to see that the people we always think of as "perfect" actually feel less-than-perfect too. Confession: sometimes I think of you as that perfect person. 🙂 i have often compared how I do birthdays and things (usually just family with cupcakes my kids have decorated) to how cute your ideas and themes are. I'm sorry for the comparison… Because even if you "came out on top", I still felt jealous… And that is never good for a friendship. I'm sorry … And please forgive me.
Thank you again for your own candor. Looking forward to reading more.
Rachel thanks for your comment and honesty. I think it's a trap we all fall into and need to be gracious about. I'm find myself grateful, daily, for your blog. Your honesty as go through your journey has inspired me in many ways. Thanks for reading!