“It doesn’t affect me/us.”
WRONG! How wrong I was. I’ve had those thoughts, all of them at some time or another. Ladies listen up. You need a copy of this book. All of you. And don’t just shelve it. Read it.
I am so glad I got the chance to review this book – it truly is a review that matters.
Through a Man’s Eyes: Helping Woman Understand the Visual Nature of Men is a book I would buy for every woman in my life if I could. Not only married and engaged women, but mothers of boys and every woman in my life. It truly opened my eyes. Now I will say… I was ready for this book. There is the right time to read it and the right mindset to have when reading it. Even the author suggests you put it down if you are not in the right time, space, or head place. That being said I found it information, practical, and an all around invaluable resource. I’ll be loaning it but will probably purchase a second copy to have on hand.
Both Shaunti Feldhan and Craig Gross are educated, experienced, and informed individuals. Feldhan is the author of For Women Only a best seller and a book I now plan to pick up and read. Craig Gross is found or the website XXXchurch.com. They take a scientific and Biblical view on the topic which I so appreciate. The information is based in research and experience and written in such a way that it was a breeze to read. In fact once I started reading I couldn’t put it down and wanted to share with everyone what I was learning. I was cautioned by the author’s themselves to be careful when and with whom I discussed the topic. They suggest you (a woman) finish the book before even beginning the important conversations they suggest you have with your husband/fiancé/son or important man in your life.
The first chapter explores the first 6.5hours of a man’s day – dare I say a “typical” experience and I keep coming back to the profound information I gleaned just from these few pages. “Men are living with visually wired and stimulated brains in a culture filled with very public images that were only meant to be seen in private.” And while that quote sums it up nicely it is not enough information. You need to read this book because “learning how to be an active support and partner is one of the greatest gifts you can give the man or boy in your life today.”
I believe the book will open up so many doors to calm, respectful conversations that will improve relationships and challenge both the man and woman to think about the visual nature of men. I so appreciated that admitted that it is nearly impossible to compare the nature of men to any part of women’s nature but tried their best to help us understand. While this was an “easy read” in terms of getting through the pages quickly, it is not an easy read in terms of content. There is so much to be digested and thought through. I was grateful Feldhan and Gross both wrote from their own perspectives, backgrounds, and experiences and found that the varying viewpoints helped me understand. However, there were a few lines in which I felt my “hackles go up.” Those primarily came from the male partner – Craig Gross – and while the verbiage he chose may have not been what I would have chosen I did understand his message and it only confirmed the difference between men and women. (**smile**)
“… a man’s eyes are one of the gateways to his emotions. The connection between his eyes and his heart is quick and powerful.” The things a man sees can actually impact the storage vault of his heart and mind – either in ways that beautifully stir his heart or that create emotional turmoil. Either outcome affects both the men themselves and those around them.”
The chapter following that quote is titled “The Internal Outcome of External Attraction” and discusses the need that is deep within men to “feel like a man.” It examines self-doubt many men feel, questions men ask like “Am I any good at being a husband?” “Do I measure up?” and what a woman/wife can do to support her husband in a practical way.
To be frank this book is filled with things I have heard throughout my life, often tossed aside, or just didn’t want to believe. But seven years in to a wonderful marriage to a honorable man, three years in to leading a small group of women who only recently began to truly explore marriage as a key part of our roles, and as a mom of boys I am learning – there is a need for knowledge and communication surrounding the visual nature of men and what it means for all of us.
I am grateful for their visual nature, but also feel compelled to keep it in mind as a leader in our church, as a wife, as a mom, and as a sister in Christ. Never once do they lay the responsibility on women Feldhan and Gross do discuss what we as women can do to practically help our men. I mean we explore how to help our children and girlfriends not stumble… why would we not take this seriously too.
I can’t keep saying it enough – this is a must read. Please pick up your copy. Read it, share with girlfriends what you are learning as you go, when you are done with the book and in the right head space talk it over with your men. Let’s take this information seriously and honor God with our choices women. I received this book from Blogging for Books for this review – it’s one I will forever be grateful to have received and read.