Thanksgiving 2011 is forever etched in my memory as the day we lost our Baby J. So much sorrow. Then strangely within just a month’s time we experienced overwhelming joy finding out about Cashel! I was torn. Celebrating, sharing our news, but internally still breaking. As I planned for the arrival of our first born I grieved the loss of our first carried. Rotating books What to Expect When You Are Expecting and I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy by Angie Smith. A burgeoning belly on display and the cover of the book hidden from sight because who would understand it. Torn. Pulled.
As I grieve with friends and celebrate with others; make meals for those loosing babes and those holding them in arms; pray for those miscarrying and those birthing again I am torn.
On this National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day Janet over at Coconut and Rain is amidst the celebration and the grief, her story of feeling torn is one I urge you to read. She poetically shares the struggle and the joy, transparently opening up her torn and mending heart. Read her story here, and know the sadness and celebration often go hand in hand.