In October 1988, President Ronald Reagan declared October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month saying, “When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.” (October15th.com)
As I wrote our Trying to Conceive story, about our miscarriage in 2011 there was no name for what I was. Since our miscarriage was our first child I was not, by the world’s standards, a “parent.” I was not a “mom” in the eyes of others. But in my heart I was. I had a baby, one I lost and never got to meet. Thankfully I had some great women I followed, knew, and connected with who had been there too. They came alongside of me, even if from afar, encouraged me and prayed with me. I didn’t wait long to then become pregnant again and then to be a Mom, not long like many of the women I knew. But, I had waited my entire life and years longer then I wanted to for that first baby – and then never knew him.
We each handled it differently, we mourned and our lives moved forward; but we have never forgotten our sweet Baby J. I often wonder about what would have or could have been. I am grateful to have had him for a time and look forward to meeting him someday. I am also so grateful for what I learned, and how he changed me. I am so grateful to have known our Baby J, even just for a short time.
I hope you will take some time to read through a post or two from the series I wrote about our loss, to hear my heart and my story. Or read this beautiful post by my friend Rachel over at The Lewis Note about her experience. My prayer is that it touches you, helps you feel a little less lonely, or helps you support someone who is also 1 in 4.