Just one month after my miscarriage I was walking through the holidays in a fog. Trying to enjoy, but the twangs of what should have been would hit me unexpectedly. Our family and friends were so supportive and I felt somewhat lost. What next? A thought that just kept haunting me.
TTC Series: Is this real?
We took a round of clomid hoping to jumpstart things. Dr. Q had told us that we could start when we were ready and felt confident that the first pregnancy was lost due to a blighted ovum. This “diagnosis” could make me feel better as these are common, especially among first pregnancies. I don’t think it did. Losing a child is losing a child. But I will say that seeing Dr. Q so confident did help. It lead me to take that first round of clomid right away. Hoping to regulate my cycle and be able to try again.
December 29th rolled around and as I plugged my info into the tracker on my phone one morning the stats changed and it registered that pregnancy was possible, or at least that a test would register with higher accuracy and that my signs seemed to say I could be pregnant. Huh?
Okay so take a test and move on.
I headed to the bathroom, Ben had already left for work. Had I any idea what the morning held I might have waited for him to be home. But who am I kidding – patience has not been my virtue when it comes to starting our family.
I took the test, set it there and tried to not watch the little hour glass spinning round and round. There is no “willing” these to say what you want them to, but if there was my mind was sure giving it its best shot.
Remember Alex this was just a round of clomid to regulate your cycle. There’s no way. It’s just reading my “signs” in a skewed way because the miscarriage was so recent.
something registered on the screen.
I looked down and it read, “pregnant.”